Intelligent Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

"Intelligent and Clever Related" Funny, Cool, and Witty Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John is...

1. reading other statuses but your status is important to him. Please stay online and your status will be read in priority sequence. Approximate wait time 17 min
2. very very very slee
3. Right BEHIND YOU! Boo!
4. going around the house and renaming things so they all start with an "i" before Apple does it... such as his iToaster, his iToilet, and his iKids and iWife.all set...
5. Beer, Golf Clubs, Fising Rods, Tackle, shades, Tunes... Casual Fridays here I come!
6. the guy who put the laughter in manslaughter
7. to sexy for this status
8. bringing sexy back... to the store for a refund!
9. hip to your jive talk
10. dy-no-mite
11. wondering what will happen if he touches the red wire with the green wir#*&GB
12. the guy who put the FUN in dysfunctional
13. an undercover cop
14. calculating pi
15. America's next top model!
16. updating his Facebook status