Original and Funny One-liners to use as Facebook Status Updates

Original and Funny One-liners to use as Facebook Status Updates

1) I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

2) Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

3) I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

4) Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

5) The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

6) Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

7) We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

8) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

9) If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

10) We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.