Funny Facebook and Twitter Status Updates

Funny Christmas Statuses from famous people

2011-12-18T04:22:00.000-08:00

here is a collection of funny christmas statuses that you can use on twitter and facebook...

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
~ Erma Bombeck (1927-1996), American author and humorist.

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas."
~ Peg Bracken.

The earth has grown old with its burden of care But at Christmas it always is young, The heart of the jewel burns lustrous and fair And its soul full of music breaks the air, When the song of angels is sung."
~ Phillips Brooks (1835-93), American Episcopal bishop, wrote 'O Little Town of Bethlehem'

Christmas! The very word brings joy to our hearts. No matter how we may dread the rush, the long Christmas lists for gifts and cards to be bought and given--when Christmas Day comes there is still the same warm feeling we had as children, the same warmth that enfolds our hearts and our homes."
~ Joan Winmill Brown, American author and editor.

This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone."
~ Taylor Caldwell (1900-1985), English novelist.

Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't find it under a tree."
~ Charlotte Carpenter.

There are no strangers on Christmas Eve."
~ Adele Comandini and Edward Sutherland. Michael O'Brien (Charles Winninger), Beyond Tomorrow, after proposing that the partners invite three strangers to dinner (1940).

To the American People: Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. If we think on these things, there will be born in us a Savior and over us will shine a star sending its gleam of hope to the world."
~ Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933), American president. Presidential message (December 25, 1927).

Christmas, in its final essence, is for grown people who have forgotten what children know. Christmas is for whoever is old enough to have denied the unquenchable spirit of man."
~ Margaret Cousins (1905- ), senior editor Doubleday Publishing Company.

Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'."
~ Bing Crosby (1904-1977), American singer and film actor.

It is the personal thoughtfulness, the warm human awareness, the reaching out of the self to one's fellow man that makes giving worthy of the Christmas spirit."
~ Isabel Currier.

I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year."
~ Charles Dickens (1812-1870), English author. From 'A Christmas Carol'.

Something about an old-fashioned Christmas is hard to forget."
~ Hugh Downs (1921- ), American newscaster.

They err who thinks Santa Claus comes down through the chimney; he really enters through the heart."
~ Mrs. Paul M. Ell.

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air."
~ W. T. Ellis

Christmas, my child, is love in action."
~ Dale Evans (1912-2001), American film actress, singer and songwriter. Wife of Roy Rogers.

Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They're never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal."
~ Lenore Hershey

My first copies of Treasure Island and Huckleberry Finn still have some blue-spruce needles scattered in the pages. They smell of Christmas still."
~ Charlton Heston (1923- ), American film actor.

At Christmas, all roads lead home."
~ Marjorie Holmes, American writer.

It comes every year and will go on forever. And along with Christmas belong the keepsakes and the customs. Those humble, everyday things a mother clings to, and ponders, like Mary in the secret spaces of her heart."
~ Marjorie Holmes, American writer.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?"
~ Bob Hope, American film actor and comedian.

When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - give off the greatest glow of happiness."
~ Bob Hope, American film actor and comedian.

Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart."
~ Washington Irving (1783-1859), American short-story writer and essayist.

The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing other's loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas."
~ W. C. Jones

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together."
~ Garrison Keillor (1942-), American author. 'Exiles,' Leaving Home (1987).

Were I a philosopher, I should write a philosophy of toys, showing that nothing else in life need to be taken seriously, and that Christmas Day in the company of children is one of the few occasions on which men become entirely alive."
~ Robert Lynd (1892-1970), American sociologist.

Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart...filled it, too, with melody that would last forever."
~ Bess Streeter Aldrich (1881-1954), American author, 'Song of Years'.

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect."
~ Oren Arnold

I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day. We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year. As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year. And thus I drift along into the holidays--let them overtake me unexpectedly--waking up some fine morning and suddenly saying to myself: 'Why this is Christmas Day!'"
~ Ray Stannard Baker, pseud. David Grayson (1870-1946), American author, journalist.

The perfect Christmas tree? All Christmas trees are perfect!"
~ Charles N. Barnard, American author, travel writer.

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love."
~ Hamilton Wright Mabie (1845-1916), American author, essayist and critic.

I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month."
~ Harlan Miller

Christmas is the keeping-place for memories of our innocence."
~ Joan Mills

Christmas is, of course, the time to be home - in heart as well as body."
~ Garry Moore

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace."
~ Agnes M. Pahro

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful."
~ Norman Vincent Peale (1898-1993), American Protestant religious leader, author.

I truly believe that if we keep telling the Christmas story, singing the Christmas songs, and living the Christmas spirit, we can bring joy and happiness and peace to this world."
~ Norman Vincent Peale (1898-1993), American Protestant religious leader, author.

Mankind is a great, an immense family... This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas."
~ Pope John XXIII

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly."
~ Andy Rooney (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.

The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature."
~ Andy Rooney (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.

Christmas--that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance--a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved."
~ Augusta E. Rundell

Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone."
~ Charles Schulz (1922-2000), American cartoonist 'Peanuts'.

As long as we know in our hearts what Christmas ought to be, Christmas is."
~ Eric Sevareid (1912-1992), American newscaster.

Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more."
~ Dr. Seuss (1904-1991), American author of children's books. From 'How The Grinch Stole Christmas'.

Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves."
~ Eric Sevareid (1912-1992), American newscaster.

Christmas renews our youth by stirring our wonder. The capacity for wonder has been called our most pregnant human faculty, for in it are born our art, our science, our religion."
~ Ralph Sockman (1889-1970), American religious leader.

He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree."
~ Sunshine Magazine

Christmas is a day of meaning and traditions, a special day spent in the warm circle of family and friends."
~ Margaret Thatcher (1925- ), English political leader.

At Christmas play and make good cheer, For Christmas comes but once a year."
~ Thomas Tusser (c. 1515-1580), author 'The Farmer's Daily Diet'.

Christmas is for children. But it is for grownups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts."
~ Lenora Mattingly Weber (1895-1971), American author.

Like snowflakes, my Christmas memories gather and dance - each beautiful, unique and too soon gone."
~ Deborah Whipp (1964-), web designer.

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."
~ Larry Wilde, author 'The Merry Book of Christmas'.

Which Christmas is the most vivid to me? It's always the next Christmas."
~ Joanne Woodward (1930- ), American film actress.

Funny Christmas Status

2011-12-18T04:21:00.000-08:00

Oh man, its that time of the year again! XMAS! This can only mean one things, thats right, it's time for christmas statuses! Yip, christmas statuses are what make us seem hilarious to our friends and family. Everyone loves good christmas statuses, since they can be used on facebook and twitter alike. The funniest christmas status is one that can invoke both laughter and jealousy. A christmas status can be funny because of the way it is phrased and a christmas status can invoke jealousy because the person reading it will wish they had come up with it first. Whats even better than a normal christmas status, is a funny christmas status! A funny christmas status is a christmas status that everyone on your friends list will find funny, pretty self explanatory, duh! A funny christmas status is normally about christmas related things, including snow, santa, reindeers, holidays etc. A funny christmas status can also be used as your funny twitter status. Now, your funny twitter status is usually used on the twitter platform, hence being called a funny twitter status. At this time of the year, a funny twitter status might include something about the holidays, or maybe about hanging out with friends. It actually doesnt matter what a funny twitter status includes, as long as its funny, and a twitter status.

Now, a funny twitter status is a christmas status that your followers on Twitter will find hilarious. They will find it so funny that they will want to retweet the funny twitter status to all their followers. Funny christmas statuses are really great for not only friends, but also for families. Everyone loves funny christmas statuses simply because they make everyone feel at ease and XMASSY (is that even a word, i dont know, but it can definitely be used for any potential Funny christmas statuses!

Christmas status updates are exactly that, status updates about the festive season. This also means that girls and boys will be looking for funny new years statuses for their friends. Christmas status updates are great for both boths and girls alike, as no preference is given to either gender. Christmas status updates allow u to look cool in front of all you friends. It also shows that you are in the know, as you will be referencing a funny Christmas status update.

If you are looking for funny facebook statuses for girls, then look no further! You have come to the right place. Girls love to use funny facebook statuses for girls as their starting point, especially around the festive season. Funny facebook statuses for girls are a great way for girls to look cool in front of other girls, and guys too.

Funny christmas status updates are generally only really loooked for at this time of the year, since this is the time for Funny christmas status updates. So yeah, if you are looking for Funny christmas status updates then look no further! Oh, and we also have a bunch of funny statuses about boys (if you are a girl looking for something funny and hilarious to say to a boy).

Anyways, merry christmas and dont forget, if it's christmas statuses you're looking for, then you've come to the right place!

Funny Christmas Status 2011

2011-12-18T04:16:00.001-08:00

Here is a list of funny christmas statuses for the year of 2011.. Enjoy!

Christmas makes me happy no matter what time of year it comes around.
Bryan White

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
George Carlin

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Dave Barry

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Johnny Carson

Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.
Gary Allan

Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.
Ellen DeGeneres

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
Jerry Seinfeld

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Bernard Manning

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.
Doug Coupland

There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.
Robert Lynd

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Phyllis Diller

Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period.
Frances Wright

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
Bob Hope

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Jay Leno

Our children await Christmas presents like politicians getting in election returns: there's the Uncle Fred precinct and the Aunt Ruth district still to come in.
Marcelene Cox

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
Garrison Keillor

I love giving gifts and I love receiving them. I really like giving little kids extravagant gifts. You see their little faces light up and they get excited. If it's a really good gift, I love receiving it, like jewels, small islands.
Gina Gershon

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Funny status 2012

2011-12-18T04:06:00.001-08:00

If you're looking for new years funny status 2012, then look no further, we have a range of hilarious funny statuses for the new year! 2012 is apparently going to be the end of the world, but lets not let that get in the way of a funny status about the new year. All the 2012 funny statuses are totally going to be useful on both twitter and facebook alike, especially on the first day of 2012. Funny statuses about 2012 are not only cool in 2012, but are also cool now in 2011, hence some people will be looking for cool and funny statuses about 2011.

Anyways, 2012 is almost here, and look out for our funny 2012 status updates!

Peace!

PS. if you're looking for awesome new year status updates and funny new years status updates then not to worry, we will be posting funny statuses about that soon!

The Top Wittiest 20 Status Updates

2011-07-28T04:11:00.000-07:00

Funny Facebook Status and Statuses. Google+, Twitter Funny, Witty, and Hilarious Status Updates.

Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he's being told where to deliver the ransom money.
I wish my uncle was still alive. He used to pull quarters out of my ear and now I could really use the change
I don't have psychotic episodes. They're more like a miniseries.
The hardest part about going to Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting that you don't have a problem.
Say what you want about drunk people, but at least they've had all their shots.
My family's Coat of Arms ties at the back
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I'm almost out.
Hey Hawaii, your punch is delicious. Keep up the good work
I've had my share of combat experience... after all, I'm married to a loose cannon.
During a performance at a concert hall in Bermuda last night, the man playing the triangle disappeared
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
I made my computer password "Yes", because my wife apparently doesn't know that word.
Back in my day we had to be social in person.
The sincerest form of flattery is a steamroller.
Tweeting in the car. Don't worry, I'm in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
I look just like Brad Pitt on the inside.Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
This orange juice says concentrate, but it doesn't say for how long.
"How?" - Dyslexic Owl
I wish I could autocorrect my life.

The Latest 330 Funniest Facebook, Twitter and Google Plus Status Updates

2011-07-23T08:01:00.000-07:00

Looking for funny, silly, witty, clever, embarrassing and simply the best facebook, twitter and google plus status updates? Then look no further! Check out these:

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
The longer the title the less important the job.
Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
I’m never sure what to do with my eyes when I’m at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling? What’s the proper etiquette here?
No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women.
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t know.
I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!
I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
A husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
When in doubt, mumble.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
There is a great need for sarcasm font.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe.
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?
After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF !!
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
Money talks…but all mine ever says is good-bye.
Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.
We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
Google Maps really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Life’s like a bird, it’s pretty cute until it craps on your head.
Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough.
Lite: the new way to spell “Light,” now with 20% fewer letters!
I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said “I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.”
There are no winners in life…only survivors.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?
The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends.
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.
Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
The winner of the rat race is still a rat.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
is pretty sure I've never gotten that "runner's high" after running. Unless everyone's referring to the desire to vomit and lay flat on the floor. (Donna 'Binky' Knight)
The milk in my fridge went bad last night. It sexually assaulted the orange juice. (SamGirl Sunday)
There's no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball. (Donna 'Binky' Knight)
It's pretty cowardly to put a ding in someone's car door without at least leaving a note scratched into the paint, such as, "LOL! -->" (Nobo Dy)
and on the eighth day, God created John Stamos. (Jeremy Shaw)
Dear FAMILY: Thanks so much for putting my empty cereal box back in the cabinet. Now I can have disappointment for breakfast. (Cassie Tarner)
To err is human. To forgive is divine. To forget is better. That’s why I drink wine. (SamGirl Sunday)
It's not that I'm jealous. I just hate good things happening to people. (MindFreak Covert Operative)
Whoever said practice makes perfect has never seen most white guys dance. (Tabatha Gayle Wickham)
bets that Inspector Gagdet really knew how to please a woman with all those extendable body parts.
(Nobo Dy)
Can you find the the mistake 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9? "Like" if you found it. (Ruben Esquivel)

If I were a bird, I would be the one that shows up right after they finish building the nest. (Victoria Beryl Zelinski)
If you don't like pirates, you aren't a real person. (Jeremy Shaw)
When my texts won't send, I feel isolated, like Tom Hanks in "Cast Away". (Andi Rogers)
FYI: If you beep your horn .03 seconds after the light changes green, I will shut off my car, lay on the hood, and feed birds for an hour. (Donna 'Binky' Knight)
How to stop SNORING: place pillow tightly over partner's face, hold until snoring stops, then delete this message. (Julie A Ostmann)
It seems to me as though, when the undertaker says, "Ashes to ashes and dust to dust", it's kind of a poetic cop out. (readymade777)
OOOOOO! AAAAAAH! OOOOOOO! AAAAAAAH! ooh! aah! ooh! aah! ooh! aah! OOOOOOO! ooo! AAAAAAH! (Just watching the fireworks... perverts!) HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY EVERYONE. (Donny Norris)
Remember: "Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not only an effective fire safety technique, but also a memorable way out of a boring conversation. (Jason Sellers)
No one told me the
Right way to write a haiku.
This last line probably has too many syllables. (Jeremy Shaw)
Surprise sex is the best way to wake up.... Unless you're in prison. (Simon Mashababe)
loves my boyfriend so much that I think I'm gonna let him out of the trunk for a little while. I just hope he doesn't try to run again, cuz I am not in the mood to play "chase the naked guy" today. (Lisa Arnold)
fell off a 50 foot ladder last night! Fortunately, I was on the bottom step. (Nobo Dy )
hates it when I wanna take a bath & there's a corpse in my bathtub dissolving in slaked lime. (Pamela Fazio)
if all the world's a stage, then who's in the audience? (Joanne Harvey)
There are two types of people I hate in this world: 1) People who find a way of putting animals into words that aren't actually there. 2) And hippocrites. (गहिरो प्रेम)
When someone posts something that is longer than 4 lines, I just convince myself it's not funny. (Donna 'Binky' Knight)
My auto-reply to all fake event invitations is - "Has invited you to the event: Getting Unfriended". (SamGirl Sunday)
Nothing makes you a hypocrite quite like parenthood. (Donny Norris)
What did 0 say to 8? "Hey, nice belt! (Victoria Beryl Zelinski)
bet the Walmart edition of "What Not to Wear" is a very short episode. (Nobo Dy)

Doing the Moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoe. (Jason Sellers)
never repeats gossip...so listen carefully. (Jenni More)
sometimes worries about my short attention span, but not for very long. (Ismael Gonzalez)
saw a poor old lady fall down on the sidewalk. I presume she was poor, she only had $1.20 in her purse. (Dale Lanham)
A girl on Facebook posted about how she sprained her toe, and I didn't comment on how I hope it wasn't her camel toe, because I'm an adult. (Nobo Dy)
has come to realize that my children are like inmates at a jail: They eat for free, they are all innocent and they don't like the warden. (Mary Raleigh Smith)
It sucks when you forget to shake the ketchup and you get the gross juice on your plate. (Cassie Tarner)
is a little overdue on my bikini wax. Just call me Sascrotch. (Michelle Lacy Lauff)
This is annoying… some telemarketer keeps calling me asking about my favorite scary movie. WTF?! (Jacob Waring)
doesn't have any skeletons in my closet....So far, just a fresh pile of bodies. (Tiffani Causey Wallarab)
has mood poisoning, must have been something I hate...(Julie A Ostmann)
Whenever I see a car driving with a mattress tied to the top, I imagine it's a prostitute making a house call. (Donna 'Binky' Knight)
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road. (Mhalou Diaz-Consengco)
is absolutely convinced that if breathing weren't involuntary, some people would suffocate. (Donna 'Binky' Knight)
is wondering how many calories my dog burns carrying each mouthful of her dog food all the way from the kitchen into the living room to eat it, then going back to the kitchen to get more. Maybe I should do that. (Alicia Lee Yost)
It's not child labor if they think they're playing a game. (Jenni More)
That Awkward Moment when someone calls you on the phone out of the blue just to ask how you're doing. Uhhh, can't you just look on Facebook? Geez! (Tiffani Causey Wallarab)
Chances are you're a stoner if your response to the question, "Do you smoke?" is "Smoke what?" proceeded by a long pause... "Cigarettes?" (Donna 'Binky' Knight)
is having one of those days where the only thing stopping me from killing someone is a rather convincing episode of CSI. (Ali PiratesninjasandDinosaurs Kerr)
Don't you hate it when you're texting lying down & all of a sudden your phone decides to be NINJA & slip through your hands & attack your face? (Srikant Tiwari)

Okay, these Facebook groups are getting stupid. "National Pokemon Hunting Week"? WTF?!?! Everyone knows that was last week...idiots. (Ali PiratesninjasandDinosaurs Kerr)
How is that even when I'm walking behind other people, my face still finds the spiderwebs? (Jeremy Shaw)
If you have never shot bottle rockets from a beer bottle at your drunk friends on the 4th of July, then you are not enjoying your freedom to the fullest. (Donny Norris)
Intelligent people are some of the biggest idiots I’ve ever met. (Mhalou Diaz-Consengco)
David's father has 3 sons. They are Snap, Krackle and ___. (Like if you get it, comment with your answer.) (Kyle Cook)
‎"You are what you eat" has got to be the worst thought-out quote ever. Technically our body discards much of what we eat, therefore the quote, "You are, what you don't sh!*" would likely be more applicable. (Robert Norris Hills)
thinks it's funny when someone passes you in the hall and asks you how you're doing but doesn't stop long enough for you to reply. (Donny Norris)
used to spend hundreds on my own fireworks display, but due to the sluggish economy, instead, I've bought some Rice Krispies and a half gallon of milk. SnAp CrAcKlE pOP! (Lyn Pefley-Lees)
Don't say goodnight via status update...just go to bed. (Jeff Retter)
Weird compliments are fun. ‎"I like your shoelaces man." "Why? They're just regular shoelaces?" "Hey now, don't be insecure, those shoelaces are smazzylicious," then walk away. Their expression will be the funniest thing you see all day. (Jeremy Shaw)
We need a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings. Like, "Well, I'm bored...let's go brush our teeth!" (Shell_1426)
They should start putting beer in those Capri Sun pouches so when you can't get the straw in, you're cut off. (Rod West)
This Sunny D tastes like I can't afford orange juice. (Nobo Dy)
Boy: So, sex at my place?
Girl: Yah!
Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we’re making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder.
Girl: OK?
~Later~
…Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE!
Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!
I know the world isn’t going 2 end in 2012 cuz my yogurt expires in 2013!

I like to name my ipod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.
Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar? A snIckers bar has nuts.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like
Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
I love it when my computer says ” are you sure you want to continue unprotected ”
Roses are redish, Violets are blueish, if it weren’t for Christmas, we would all be Jewish!
People make the world go around but at some point don’t you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep walking and never come back?
NEVER trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.
I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?”
what’s the difference between puberty & a water bottle? a water bottle hit Justin Bieber first! (;
Going to McDonalds for salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …its a Teabag xD
Mrs. Bin Laden just updated her Facebook status to single.
Sometimes your Knight in shinning armour is just an idiot wrapped in tinfoil.
We guys have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see us without an erection, make us a sandwich !
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrehea…does that mean one person enjoys it?
status: I can’t log into facebook
A bug just landed on my computer screen and my first reaction was on try and scare it away with the curser
Did you know in Japan girls keep their phones on vibrate and put them down their crotch? Don’t feel bad if they don’t answer. It means they’re busy All i want to know is, where can i get a number?
Your make-up looks so pretty:) lol jk it looks like a crayola raped your face!!!
My friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself “Dude, that’s the sperm that won???”
Sometimes i fill up my blow up doll with helium so its playing hard to get.
i know three facts about you, one you can’t say M without your lips touching, two your trying it now and you look like an idiot alien, three now your smiling
Sorry, Ke$ha the party dont stop till I walk in.
honk if you love Jesus Textwhile driving if you want to meet him.
Last Night I Dreamt I was Eating A Giant Marshmallow……..When I Woke Up My Pillow Was Gone.
How much coke has Charlie Sheen done?……………enough to kill 2 1/2 men….
I love how justin bieber can hit high notes but not puberty!
Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours, belongs in the zoo, don’t be mad, i’ll be there, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Relationships are like Tom & Jerry: They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other.
I WISH i could be a status, so you could LIKE me .
I tried to log on to Facebook. It said, “Cookies are required to operate.” I thought to myself, “Me too, Facebook. Me too.”
A divorced man walks over to his ex-wifes new hubby n asked…so how does it feel enjoying 2nd hand goods?..Doesn’t bother me,he responds..actually once u get past the 1st 3 inches, the rest is all brand new.
I wonder what will happen if Steve Jobs dies…. His tombstone may read – iDead…
Got into a fight with my alarm clock this morning it wanted me to wake up i disagreed now the alarms broken and im wide awake…not sure who won.
I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you.
A kid got bad marks in his test, he showed his test to his mom. His mom said ” what is this”? He answered teachers star stickers were finished so she gave me a full moon!!!
Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who deserves a punch in the face, except for a punch in the face. But we can still raise awareness!
One day a chicken croxed the road and met james bond and said whats your name?? ….bond james bond… whats yours??..ken chick ken!
Behind every great woman is a man looking at her ass!
I’d rather Cry over cuts & stitches. not sluts & bitches !
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourse

Look at your status. Now back to mine. Now back to yours. Now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down. Back up. Where are you? .........You're on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like! Anything is possible when your Facebook status looks like this one...
This just in... Apple has just hired LeBron James to fix the iPhone signal problem!
knows how to stop the BP Oil leak from putting out... Just put a giant wedding ring on it!
says finally an iPhone killer... Your left hand!
says Hello ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. I’m on a horse.
sometimes runs up to strangers on the street and yells "YOU'RE IT!!" and then runs away.
is a little down since nobody wished her a happy birthday today, which isn't surprising really, since it isn't my birthday.
is wondering if you choke a smurf... what colour would he turn?
hates it when people say stuff in their status updates that you really didn't want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poo.
not only had to take his mom to the prom.. he had to pay her $20...
You f***ing do. You go out in public and it’s a f***ing embarrassment. You look like a f***ing bitch on heat.!@#$$@#$... SORRY Mel Gibson was updating my status update.
has breaking news.. many iPhone4 users are irrate that their wireless signal suddenly drops. Steve Jobs said the problem is in the software and recommends that they download the latest version of Apple's iDon'tcare.
's Miami sources say, Lebron James is not signing with them anymore. He's going to stop the oil spill!! He is going to clog the pipes with his ego.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
sometimes, not remembering mey be the better.
X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while.
X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house.
What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..
slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe i’m moving in circles..
Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.
║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
Dear Santa, let me explain…
I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.
Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
_̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡
if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.
̿̿̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.
i’ve yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing.
Cut here —————–✄———————-
Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.
Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?
X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
what has two ears and cant hear? —————–.> GRANDPA
I’m not a racer….But i can fly.
press the star below and watch it glow
▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status.
I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome..
Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
oh I’m sorry! i didn’t realise you were giving me a dirty look…i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!
wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.
I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
too cool for school.
trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
–^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.
definitely not watching what not to wear.
forcing my dog to learn how to google.
kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
X is Loading ████████████ 99%
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.
X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.
I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.
In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”
X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
a day late and a dollar short.
Insert coin to view my status message.
If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
We have so much in common. You want to travel,I want you to go .
happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.

Funny Status Updates about Children for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-30T00:09:00.000-07:00

Facebook Status Updates about Children, Kids and Teens which you can use!

Clint...

In automobile terms, the child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering.
There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother's age.
I love kids. I was a kid myself, once.
I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
When I was born my father spent three weeks trying to find a loophole in my birth certificate.
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
When my husband comes home, if the kids are still alive, I figure I've done my job.
Your sons weren't made to like you. That's what grandchildren are for.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires. Each generation has been an education for us in different ways. The first child-with-bloody-nose was rushed to the emergency room. The fifth child-with-bloody-nose was told to go to the yard immediately and stop bleeding on the carpet.
When you are 12, you no longer need the parents.
A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than "Where's your manuscript?" Why haven't you called?" and "Who's your lawyer?"
Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.

Funny, Clever, Witty Children Facebook Status Updates

Note: these are famous Quotes

Funny Friendship Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-29T14:30:00.000-07:00

Facebook and Twitter Status Updates about Friendship

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.
There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me, and just be my friend.
Every murderer is probably somebody's old friend.
Win hearts, and you have hands and purses.
Friendship is Love without his wings.
It's much easier to turn a friendship into love, than love into friendship.

Add your Friendship Status Update as a comment!

Funny Political Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

Famous Funny Political Quotes to use as Facebook Status Updates

The Court made an exception, however, in the case of candidates contributing to their own campaigns because of the rather reasonable presumption that a candidate is incapable of corrupting himself.
It is now well known, however, that men enter local politics solely as a result of being unhappily married.
A politician is a person with whose politics you don't agree; if you agree with him he's a statesman.
It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job. (on the US presidency)
If Governor Fields is right, I am going to stand by him because he is right. If he is wrong, I am going to stand by him because he is a Democrat.
I must say the Senator's victory in Wisconsin was a triumph for democracy. It proves that a millionaire has just as good a chance as anyone else.
On one side you have book burners, Congressional wives and Pat Robertson. On the other side, you have vulgar comedians, foul-mouthed rap groups and Dennis Hopper—all your choices should be so easy.
You campaign in poetry. You govern in prose.
He is going around the country stirring up apathy. (on Harold Wilson)
I didn't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs. (when asked a political question at a "Just Say No" rally)
I will make a bargain with the Republicans. If they will stop telling lies about Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
The wind doesn't bother me. I'm in the US Senate.
Latins for Republicans. It's like roaches for Raid.
The hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning.
He is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation.
He who slings mud generally loses ground.
Since you have chosen to elect a man with a timber toe to succeed me, you may all go to hell and I will go to Texas.
I do have certain feelings. My feeling is that whoever is in charge, I want him out. (on his political views)
The Vice-Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does.
An election is coming. Universal peace is declared and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry.
Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen.
This is the first convention of the space age - where a candidate can promise the moon and mean it.
The greatest thing the Democrats have ever done for me was to defeat me for the governor of Tennessee.
Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word.

Funny Political Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Funny and Witty Status Updates about Women

2009-10-24T16:32:00.000-07:00

Clever and Classic Status Updates Relating to Women for you to use on Facebook or Twitter

(note: most of these updates are quotes from famous people)

In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.
For me there are only two type of women: goddesses and doormats.
All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something.
Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.
Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing.
A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.
You don't know a women till you've met her in court.
The lovely thing about being 40 is that you can appreciate 25 year old men more.
My understanding of women goes only as far as the pleasures.
Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine.
There are worse occupations in this world than feeling a woman's pulse.
I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.
Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.

Clever Status Updates Relating to Age

2009-10-24T16:16:00.000-07:00

Clever Status Updates about Age which you can use on your Facebook or Twitter Account

(Most of these are quotes from famous people)

Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman.
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.
I'm affectionately known by Elton John as either Sylvia Disc or the Bionic Christian.
You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.
As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.
People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about the state of your body.
There is absolutely nothing to be said in favour of growing old. There ought to be leglislation against it.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
I'm back... and you knew I was coming. On my way here I passed a cinema with the sign 'The Mummy Returns'.
Whenever the talk turns to age, I say I am 49 plus VAT.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five.
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas'.
Everybody wants to live forever, but nobody wants to grow old.

OK... Awkward (NSFW)

2009-10-24T16:13:00.000-07:00

source:lamebook

Funny Status Updates from Facebook and Twitter

Someone is Grammar Happy- Funny Status Updates

2009-10-24T16:01:00.000-07:00

Someone is Grammar Happy- Funny Status Updates

Funny Status Updates- Embarrassing Mistakes! (NSFW)

2009-10-23T01:42:00.000-07:00

Funny Facebook Status Updates- Embarrassing Mistakes that you don't want happening to You!

Tracey Had a Very Good Night!

David has some Problems- Oh My, David!

This Picture is "Krystal" Clear, thanks!

Source: ebaumsworld.com

Top 10 Status Updates of the Week

2009-10-21T23:04:00.000-07:00

Funny Status Updates of the Week

Good Morning Cowboys and Cowgirls ;) It's time for the week's Top 10 Funny Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter. Just some info to keep you updated. FunnyStatus.blogspot.com is being visited a lot, thanks to you guys. Having only started last week Monday, we have already received 413 visits with an average "time on site" being 3 minutes, so thanks for the support.

Add your Funny Status to our Blog by adding a comment to this post, or if you have funny screenshots or pictures, then email FunnyStatus(at)googlemail.com

Here's the Top 10 List:

10) Clint pretends to work. They pretend to pay me.

9) Clint just wants less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

8) Clint says "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar!"

7) Clint: Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see them tumble down the stairs.

6) Clint is writing his final paper called "The Isotope Conjecture: A Fake Title So My Wife Won't Look Inside Here and See My Letters To Penthouse Forum"

5) Clint is shaking it like a polaroid picture

4) Clint is not your friend

3) Clint is really tired of kidney stones

2) Clint is boycotting shampoo and demanding real poo!

1) Clint will never put salt in my eye. never Put Salt in my eye. Put Salt in my eye. Always put salt in my eye.

Thanks for reading boys and girls. Please add your funny Status Update as comments. Peace.

Never Drink & Facebook- Funny Status Updates

2009-10-21T01:41:00.000-07:00

Funny Status Updates from Facebook

Funny Chuck Norris Status Updates

2009-10-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

Funny Chuck Norris Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Hey, if you think Chuck Norris is outdated, you could swap his name with a good friend's name:)

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Wilt Chamberlin claims to have slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Chuck Norris can impregnate women with only a glance. He can also do this to men.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. His spelling checks itself.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
President Bush DID have a sure fire plan to end the war in Iraq, However Chuck Norris was busy that day.

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Don't Piss on Me!

2009-10-20T23:54:00.000-07:00

source: lamebook

I see London, I see France!

2009-10-15T16:18:00.000-07:00

source:lamebook

Funny Facebook Screenshot

Daddy's Girl and 1 American Car

2009-10-15T16:03:00.000-07:00

Funny Facebook Screenshots

source: lamebook

Original and Funny One-liners to use as Facebook Status Updates

2009-10-15T15:40:00.001-07:00

Original and Funny One-liners to use as Facebook Status Updates

1) I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

2) Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

3) I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

4) Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

5) The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

6) Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

7) We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

8) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

9) If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

10) We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Top 9 Woody Allen Facebook Status Updates

2009-10-15T12:21:00.000-07:00

Top 9 Woody Allen Facebook Status Updates:

1. Clint is at two with nature

2. Clint can’t listen to that much Wagner. ben starts getting the urge to conquer Poland.

3. Clint doesn’t want to achieve immortality through his work… ben wants to achieve it through not dying.

4. Clint places his boss under a pedestal.

5. Clint took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

6. Clint is astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around tel aviv

7. Clint is hoping God would give him some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in his name in a Swiss bank.

8. Clint is pondering that life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.

9. Clint is sure that money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Top 10 Status Updates of the Week

2009-10-14T00:58:00.001-07:00

Funny Status Updates of the Week

Hi Boys and Girls. So, FunnyStatus is a new blog (just started it on Monday Afternoon) aimed at bringing you the Best, Funniest and most original Status Updates on Facebook and Twitter. Please, please, please Add your own Status Updates to our site as comment at the bottom!

Here is This week's top Status Updates:

10) Kanye West would like to interrupt this Facebook status to tell you that Beyonce should have won best female video at the VMA's.

9) Bob's co-workers think he's a hard worker because they hear all this typing on Facebook!

8) Bob will update his Facebook status for money!

7) Bob will never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night again!

6) Bob is stomping his feet because he's happy and he knows it.

5) Bob is reading other statuses but your status is important to him. Please stay online and your status will be read in priority sequence. Approximate wait time 17 min

4) Bob is stimulating his package

3) Bob is not scared of heights…. just widths

2) Bob thinks there are 10 kinds of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don’t.

1) Bob is “in your face book account, deleting your friends”

Funny Facebook Status Updates

2009-10-13T20:42:00.000-07:00

A good facebook status is more than just a status. Its a way of life. It tells people who you are and what your're doing, feeling, and thinking. Funny facebook status and funny facebook statuses can really increase the number of friends who actually visit your profile. I mean come on, seriously. Take a big look at yourself and ask yourself this question: "Does anyone visit my profile?".. I know, reality hits hard :)

A funny facebook status update also makes you feel good and stress free because it gets your mind thinking positively and helps you relax. Many people think that Facebook Status Updates are not important, but actually they very much required especially when you run a business or have a Fan Page. Why, you might ask? Because your facebook statuses need to be the best facebook statuses and not just boring facebook status messages, you see. A status for Facebook is the best thing in the morning, just after you wake up. It sets the mood for the rest of the day. And this mood will hopefully last.

Facebook status quotes are the same as Facebook status updates except for the words quotes and updates. You see, the word quote means what someone else has said aka as using apostrophes "", while the word update means to update something, if that makes any sense. A

cool facebook status is more than just a facebook status update. It's not like a twitter facebook status. Its so much more! Its about coolness. But what can be described as coolness? And yes, this is a difficult question to answer. I guess only philosophers can answer this one, but hey, this post is getting pretty philosophical now aint it.

You see, lots of people in this scary, big, ugly world are afraid of a funny facebook status because they dont know the power it actually holds. It makes the bearer feel clever and witty. Not only that, it also makes the writer, whether facebook, twitter, or myspace, feel great and amazing. Funny quotes on the other is more hilarious than sad, because of the word funny. One also gets funny status lines but that will be explored on a rainy day in January.

What is the most funniest facebook status. Well, good question! To answer this, you need to anwser this question as well: What's the most funniest facebook quote. The funniest are ones which you cant make up. you need to read websites like funnystatus.blogspot.com , etc. A

funny twitter status is the same as a funny facebook status except for the words Facebook and Twitter. What's cool about funny facebook status ideas is that they dont always have to be your own funny facebook status ideas. They could come from this website for example or from a book of jokes. Funny facebook updates are really being searched a lot on the web. We have long lists of funny facebook statuses just for you ranging from funny categories to clever to angry and much more! We also have clever facebook status updates as well as witty facebook status updates. However, simple and precise Facebook status ideas are the best!

A Cool facebook status update is like a cool person. People cant ignore cool people. Cool people are always the centre of attraction because thats what everyone wants. Facebook status quotes are also what people want. That gives cool a new definition. Gee.

Funny status updates were not really searched a lot on the net last year, but this year Facebookers are searching for best facebook status updates quote often and clever facebook status updates too. Funny facebook status updates are also in great demand.

If anyone has read this far, then well done. This pointless and boring post is just for seo and wasn't meant to disrespect anyone... or maybe it was. Peace.

The 100 Funniest Facebook and Twitter Status Updates

2009-10-12T05:44:00.000-07:00

Facebook and Twitter’s Top 100 Funniest Status Updates.

Compiled from spending way too much time on the internet. In no order! Credits at bottom

1. Clint is [this comment has been removed due to legal action by the Church of Scientology]

2. Clint is on a 90-day diet. So far I’ve lost 45 days.

3. Clint is crying for no particular reason other than the fact that my cat spontaneously combusted.

4. Clint is is out clubbing this weekend. im going to break my record of 12 baby seals

5. Clint is “in your face book account, deleting your friends”

6. Clint is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll… brace yourself..

7. Clint joined facebook. Clint sent 34,123 flirts. Clint left facebook.

8. Clint has almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left him before they met.

9. Clint is wondering about the speed of dark?

10. Clint is wondering how do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

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11. Clint is running out of places to hide the bodies…

12. Clint tried to join a tourette’s support group and they told me to piss off

13. Clint got thrown out of the casino last night due to possible misinterpretation of the term “craps table”

14. Clint is getting a grip on reality..and choking it to death

15. Clint - if money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

16. Jolene is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house…

17. Clint is “beating cancer, and by cancer he means children.”

18. Clint doesn’t want to achieve immortality through his work… Clint wants to achieve it through not dying.

19. Clint places his boss under a pedestal.

20. Clint is sure he has a photographic memory. He just doesn’t have film.

21. Clint is using his iShin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

22. Clint is thinking to join the army - join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

23. Clint just got scared half to death twice

24. Clint used to have an open mind but his brains kept falling out.

25. Clint wants a meaningful overnight relationship.

26. Clint is having an excellent adventure with Bill and Ted

27. Clint has so many facebook friends that any new applicants have to sit through a three stage interview process.

28. Clint is putting the pro into procrastination

29. Clint is more frustrated than an Amish electrician

30. Clint puts the laughter in manslaughter

31. Clint puts the FUN in dysfunctional

32. Clint is snail mailing a snail. Just to say I did it.

33. Clint - easier said than done…

34. Clint is wondering if a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

35. Clint - now available in widescreen

36. Clint wants to make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘get a life”

37. Clint is planning to be spontaneous tomorrow.

38. Clint is thinking Pandora didn’t think outside the box.

39. Clint is trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.

40. Clint is revoking your creative license.

41. Clint puts the pro in procrastinate

42. Clint says, do me a favor, and don’t do me anymore favors!

43. Clint is amazed at the alarming drop-out rate of sky diving classes.

44. Clint has 20/20 hearing!

45 Clint - so poor he can’t even give you his two cents!

46. Clint is so poor that he can’t even afford to pay attention.

47. Clint is so broke that he’s going to KFC to lick other peoples fingers.

48. Clint is wondering “if swimming is good for your figure, then why are whales so damn fat..?

49. Clint intends to live forever, so far so good…

50. Clint tired of his probation officer’s bad attitude…

51. Clint is two with nature

52. Clint spend less money doing laundry this year and more money on deodorant.

53. Clint wants to romantically wish you a happy valentines day…via facebook status…cuz you wont return my phone calls…

54. Clint’s girlfriend came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her. So I hit her over the head with my Playstation.

55. Clint - Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

56. Clint - My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you has screwed up my life.

57. Clint says: that nothing shouts “I love you” more than somebody Else’s creativity widely distributed on recycled paper.

58. Clintette is: eating and extravagant assortment of valentines day chocolates…she bought for herself…

59. Clint: I see your face when I am dreaming.

That’s why I always wake up screaming.

60. Clint says: every moment i’m with you I want to walk in front of a bus…HAPPY Valentines Day…

61. Clint wonders what will happen when Polish mothers start reading facebook statuses : “What do you mean you feel lonely? Your father and I are very worried…”

62. Clint logged in and saw you logged in. Then I logged off and logged in 2 hours again - you were still logged in. Get A Life! … OK yeah I was logged in all this time too. (feel shame)

63. Clint is just two away from a threesome

64. Clint is “added new photos to the album “”Porn”"

65. Clint is stimulating his package

67. Clint is brought to you by the letters W T F

68. Clint is not scared of heights…. just widths

69. Clint is about to mail my check for $1500 to nigeria for the $15million lottery i just won! Cya later SUCKAS!!

70. Clint always asks himself: “What would Gandalf do”?

71. Clint says ignorance is bliss, but on Youtube it’s a prerequisite.

72. Clint says that just because nobody understands you, doesn’t make you an artist.

73. Clint - pardon me but your status is showing

74. Clint hates people that take drugs… customs for example

75. Clint can only please one person a day. Today’s not your day… tomorrow’s not looking good either.

76. Clint says a train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…

77. Clint cant understand why constipated people dont give a crap

78. Clint would give his right arm to be ambidextrous

79. Clint says without ME you’re just AWESO

80. Clint wonders if theres another word for “thesaurus”

81. Clint would have sent you some virtual chocolates but he virtually ate them all.

82. Clint says 4/3 of americans has trouble with fractions.

83. Clint is a secret agent…oh crap.

84. Clint says silence is golden but duct tape is silver

85. Clintette told her husband he is like a fine wine and just gets better with age…that is why he is locked in the basement.

86. Clint grew up on the street………………..Sesame Street….

87. Clint is thinking the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades

88. Clint says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

89. Clint knows that there are 3 kinds of people on facebook, Those who can count and those who can’t.

90. Clint thinks there are 10 kinds of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don’t.

91. Clint why is it that whenever there’s two women in a profile pic the hot one is someone else..?

92. Clint is the reason Wally is hiding

93. Clint never finishes wat he sta

94. Clint is proof reading to make sure he hasn’t any words out.

95. Clint is loving the smell of napalm in the morning.

96. Clint is an unlicensed helicopter pilot

97. Clint can increase your penis size by 30%!!!!

98. Clint is planning to quit the day he gets fired.

99. Clint’s vocabulary is as bad as, like, whatever

100. Clint once killed 2 stones with one bird.

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Funny Movie Quotes to use as Status Updates on Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T04:05:00.000-07:00

Funny, Cool and Witty "Movie Quotes" to use as Status Updates on Facebook and Twitter.

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

Movie Quotes:

1. “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn,” “Gone With the Wind,” 1939.
2. “I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse,” “The Godfather,” 1972.
3. “You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am,” “On the Waterfront,” 1954.
4. “Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore,” “The Wizard of Oz,” 1939.
5. “Here’s looking at you, kid,” “Casablanca,” 1942.
6. “Go ahead, make my day,” “Sudden Impact,” 1983.
7. “All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up,” “Sunset Blvd.,” 1950.
8. “May the Force be with you,” “Star Wars,” 1977.
9. “Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night,” “All About Eve,” 1950.
10. “You talking to me?” “Taxi Driver,” 1976.

11. “What we’ve got here is failure to communicate,” “Cool Hand Luke,” 1967.
12. “I love the smell of napalm in the morning,” “Apocalypse Now,” 1979.
13. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” “Love Story,” 1970.
14. “The stuff that dreams are made of,” “The Maltese Falcon,” 1941.
15. “E.T. phone home,” “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial,” 1982.
16. “They call me Mister Tibbs!”, “In the Heat of the Night,” 1967.
17. “Rosebud,” “Citizen Kane,” 1941.
18. “Made it, Ma! Top of the world!”, “White Heat,” 1949.
19. “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”, “Network,” 1976.
20. “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” “Casablanca,” 1942.

Resource: http://www.joblo.com/index.php?id=7846

New Years Resolutions Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T03:57:00.000-07:00

Funny, Cool and Witty "New Years Resolutions" Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter.

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John's New Years Resolution:

stop using the following phrase at work, "Deal..." (dramatic pause) "Or No Deal..."
work with neglected children. (my own).
stop replying to funny jokes he hears by saying, "L.O.L... L.O.L"
do less laundry and use more deodorant.
stop using Facebook as the primary communication method with his wife & kids.
read less.
stop tagging pictures of himself in pictures even when he's not in them.
combine his love of bass fishing and exercise into new sport: Bassercize
only pay for sex if the price seems really, really reasonable
start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
eat more paint.

Romance Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T03:41:00.000-07:00

"Love, Romantic and Valentines Day" Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John...

thinks let's make February 15th OUR valentines day.
thinks there is someone for everyone but wasn't really thinking about you.
thinks don't worry... it's not contagious.
thinks, "you make me feel dead inside"... Happy Valentines Day
says on this Valentines days... Please don't make me choose between you and porn.
already killed some helpless flowers for you... what else do you want?
loves Valentines day, where nookie is only a box of chocolates away.
wants to remind you that nothing says "I love you" more than somebody else's words mass produced on re-cycled paper.
says nothing is more romantic than letting you know that I love you... via this Facebook Status update.
says, Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, It's Valentines Day, And I have a hangnail.

Halloween Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T03:33:00.000-07:00

Funny "Halloween" Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John...

plans on dressing up as Kanye West for Halloween and just before the kids yell "Trick or Treat", jump out of the bushes and yell "Christmas is better".
wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don't solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
warns you this Halloween to beware of strangers bearing strange tools like chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, and band saws.
will have on his tomb stone, "See I told you I was SICK!"
is going to dress up as Kanye West and show up at Taylor Swift's house this Halloween.
hopes this Halloween, he doesn't end up with a bag full of restraining orders again.
wonders if he's getting old, or if others also ask for high fibre candy only on Halloween?
forgot to buy candy for the kids this Halloween but will offer them a bite of his sandwich.
hopes nobody else dresses up as Justus von Liebig, Father of biochemistry who recorded minerals in plant ash and proposed the law of minimum.
wonders if Lady Gaga dresses up as a normal person for Halloween???

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Famous Quotes

Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.
There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.
Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.
I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoke to.
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
Eye of newt, and toe of frog, Wool of bat, and tongue of dog, Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting, Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing, For a charm of powerful trouble, Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?

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Funny Geroge Bush Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T03:20:00.001-07:00

"George Bush" Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

George Bush Comments:

50. "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." --at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002

49. "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." --Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001

48. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." -Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

47. "I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." --Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001

46. "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a -- you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." --Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004

45. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." --at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001

44. "You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror." --interview with CBS News' Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006

43. "The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th." --Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007

42. "I'm the commander -- see, I don't need to explain -- I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." --as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War

41. "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." --discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson in 2003, as quoted by Robertson

40. 3. "I think I was unprepared for war." –on the biggest regret of his presidency, ABC News interview, Dec. 1, 2008

39. "I will not withdraw, even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me." --talking to key Republicans about Iraq, as quoted by Bob Woodward

38. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." --presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

37. "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." --Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000

36. "Do you have blacks, too?" --to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

35. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." --as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

34. "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." --on "Good Morning America," Sept. 1, 2005, six days after repeated warnings from experts about the scope of damage expected from Hurricane Katrina

33. "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." --Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

32. "I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake." --on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006

31. "They misunderestimated me." --Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

30. "For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." --Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001

29. "This is an impressive crowd -- the haves and the have mores. Some people call you the elite -- I call you my base." --at the 2000 Al Smith dinner

28. "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." --LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

27. "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe -- I believe what I believe is right." --Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001

26. "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." --Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005.

25. "People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you." --Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002

24. "I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it...I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet...I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't -- you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." --after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004

23. "You forgot Poland." --to Sen. John Kerry during the first presidential debate, after Kerry failed to mention Poland's contributions to the Iraq war coalition, Miami, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004

22. "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." --in parting words to world leaders at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as those present looked on in shock, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008

21. "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." --State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false

20. "The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." --Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001

19. "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." --Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002

18. "So what?" –President Bush, responding to a an ABC News correspondent who pointed out that Al Qaeda wasn't a threat in Iraq until after the U.S. invaded, Dec. 14, 2008

17. "Can we win? I don't think you can win it." --after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, "Today" show interview, Aug. 30, 2004

16. "I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." --Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002

15. "I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." --to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004

14. "Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed." --speaking underneath a "Mission Accomplished" banner aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1, 2003

13. "We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories ... And we'll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong, we found them." --Washington, D.C., May 30, 2003

12. "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!" --joking about his administration's failure to find WMDs in Iraq as he narrated a comic slideshow during the Radio & TV Correspondents' Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 24, 2004

11. "I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." --Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008

10. "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" --Florence, South Carolina, Jan. 11, 2000

9. "As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." --on the No Child Left Behind Act, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2007

8. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." --Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000

7. "I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense." --Washington, D.C. April 18, 2006

6. "There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on --shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again." --Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

5. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." --Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

4. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." --Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

3. "You work three jobs? ... Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." --to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

2. "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." --to FEMA director Michael Brown, who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his handling of the Hurricane Katrina debacle, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005

1. "My answer is bring them on." --on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003

Resource: http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/bushquotes/a/dumbbushquotes.htm

Laziness Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T03:12:00.000-07:00

"Excuses and Laziness" Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John...

really wishes she could but, I have to floss my cat.
really wishes she could but, I want to spend more time with my blender.
really wishes she could but, I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
really wishes she could but, I swallowed my gold crown this morning, and I have to wait here until it comes out the other end.
really wishes she could but, My panty hose sprung a leak.
really wishes she could but, I have to stay home and wash my tongue.
really wishes she could but, I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
really wishes she could but, I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
really wishes she could but, My patent is pending.
really wishes she could but, I'm worried about my vertical hold.
really wishes she could but, I have to fulfill my potential.
really wishes she could but, I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
really wishes she could but, I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
really wishes she could but, I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
really wishes she could but, I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
really wishes she could but, I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
really wishes she could but, I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
really wishes she could but, My yucca plant is feeling yucky.
really wishes she could but, I just picked up a book called Glue in Many Lands and I can't put it down.
really wishes she could but, I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
really wishes she could but, I have to rotate my crops.

Funny "Work" Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T02:58:00.000-07:00

"Employment and Jobs" Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John...

understands that hard work has a future payoff but Laziness pays off now.
thought he wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a pay-cheque
is just working here until a good fast food job opens up....
sees Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done
pretends to work. They pretend to pay me.
thinks ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
thinks work is for people who don't know how to fish!
just wants less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
is thinking that this isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
's co-workers think he's a hard worker because they hear all this typing on Facebook!

Famous Quotes about Work

We have a lot of kids who don't know what works means. They think work is a four-letter word.
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the 'War on Jobs.'
Today is 'Take our Daughters to Work Day.' This is when girls ages Nine to Fifteen go to work. Or, as it's called at the Nike factory - Thursday.
Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished.
The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.
It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'.
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Kanye West Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T02:30:00.000-07:00

"Kanye West and Egotistical" Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

Kanye West/ John is...

would like to interrupt this Facebook status to tell you that Beyonce should have won best female video at the VMA's.
on the seventh day, took a break from creating the universe and rested.
wakes up every morning and experiences an exquisite joy – the joy of being Kanye West – and I ask myself in rapture: What wonderful things this Kanye West is going to accomplish today?
finds himself fascinating!
is a HUGE admirer of my own work and that of Beyonce's.
finds himself screaming for JOY when he sees himself in the mirror.
notices that the longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and have only wasted my time debating any issue.
has three words for you: "BEYONCE for PRESIDENT!"
is so amazing that if I went to a bar... I'd pick myself up!
Is pissed off at Taylor Swift for interrupting his tirade on why Beyonce's video is the best video of all time.

Education Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T02:25:00.000-07:00

"Education and School" Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John is...

writing a paper called "Sex and Pregnancy: A Possible Connection"
presenting his thesis on "E=MC3: That's Right, Einstein, I Said Cubed!"
being interviewed on his new novel "Sweet and Sour Pork: How Can It Be Both? At The Same Time?"
Gathering research for his essay, "Lincoln: The Man, The President, The Town Car"
Wondering if his new research grant will accept his thesis, "Whoops!: I Blew My $800,000 Research Grant At The MGM Grand Casino"
Pondering the scientific evidence to support the claim "Kraft Macaroni & Cheese: So Cheesy, It Should Be Called 'Kraft Cheese & Macaroni'"
reviewing extensive analysis on the topic "There Sure Are A Lot of 'Smiths' In The Phone Book, Dude"
writing his final paper called "The Isotope Conjecture: A Fake Title So My Wife Won't Look Inside Here and See My Letters To Penthouse Forum"
a bit disappointed he didn't win the Nobel Prize as evidenced by his book "Why The People Who Award The Nobel Prize Are A Bunch Of Jerks"
doing scientific research on "Gravity: The Devil's Tool"

Philosophical Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T02:10:00.000-07:00

"Philosophically" Funny, Cool, and Witty Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John...

feels ashamed of his smoking but it's better that I smoke this and let the dreams of the cigarette workers come true then to be selfish & worry about my lungs.
notices that when the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.
thinks that a day without sunshine is like night.
thinks that if atheism is a religion, then not collecting stamps is a hobby.
is getting that Deja Fu feeling... That that somehow, somewhere, he's been kicked in the head like this before.
knows that some people say that he must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.
is wondering if he had everything, where would he keep it?
is reflecting that the cost of living hasn't affected it's popularity.
wonders if you ever noticed that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
thinks it's odd that people justify deer heads on their walls by saying they're beautiful animals. Hmmm.... I think my wife is beautiful.

Intelligent Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T02:03:00.000-07:00

"Intelligent and Clever Related" Funny, Cool, and Witty Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John is...

reading other statuses but your status is important to him. Please stay online and your status will be read in priority sequence. Approximate wait time 17 min
very very very slee
Right BEHIND YOU! Boo!
going around the house and renaming things so they all start with an "i" before Apple does it... such as his iToaster, his iToilet, and his iKids and iWife.all set...
Beer, Golf Clubs, Fising Rods, Tackle, shades, Tunes... Casual Fridays here I come!
the guy who put the laughter in manslaughter
to sexy for this status
bringing sexy back... to the store for a refund!
hip to your jive talk
dy-no-mite
wondering what will happen if he touches the red wire with the green wir#*&GB
the guy who put the FUN in dysfunctional
an undercover cop
calculating pi
America's next top model!
updating his Facebook status

Funny Christmas Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T00:48:00.000-07:00

"Christmas Status" - Funny Statuses, Facebook Christmas Status, Christmas Statuses, Funny Facebook, and Witty Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Funny Christmas Status, Funny Christmas Statuses, Christmas Status, Christmas Statuses, Funny Christmas Status Updates, Status Updates Christmas and more!

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Christmas is just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Christmas Status, Funny Christmas Facebook Status
Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.
I am buying my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?"
Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
can't wait to watch his favourite Christmas movie, "The Christmas That Almost Wasn't Due To Santa's Urinary Tract Infection"
is looking forward to the new Christmas special, "A Creepy, Creepy Christmas with Michael Jackson"
may not be the real Santa, but that doesn't mean I haven't seen you while you're sleeping.
Christmas Status, Funny Christmas Facebook Status
is chugging NyQuil until sugar plums really are dancing in my head
is making "fruitcakes" out of stuff I find under my sofa cushions.
is eating her weight in figgy pudding
is inviting you to tickle her Elmo.
hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
Christmas Status, Funny Christmas Facebook Status
is still trying to figure out what "police nabbed my dad" has to do with Christmas.
wonders that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.

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Poor and Broke Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T00:43:00.000-07:00

"Poor and Broke Related" Funny, Cool, and Witty Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John...

will update her Facebook status for money!
is so broke that she's going to KFC to lick other peoples fingers.
is so poor that she got married for the rice.
can't even afford the last letter to update her statu_!
is so broke that she went to the bank for a loan and they asked for their calender back.
is so poor that she can't even afford to pay attention.
is so broke that she had to eat her cereal with a fork to save on milk.
is so poor she can't even give you her two cents!
is so broke that she can't afford to be wrong.
wonders if she can qualify for a government bailout package?

Miscellaneous Funny, Cool, and Witty Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T00:36:00.000-07:00

"Miscellaneous" Funny, Cool, and Witty Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John...

was denied adoption of a baby boy from Malawi.
will never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night again!
is reading his friends' statuses and adding 'in bed' to the end of each one.
is for external use only. See your doctor before administering.
will never put salt in my eye. never Put Salt in my eye. Put Salt in my eye. Always put salt in my eye.
didn't mean to accept your friend request. This is the last status you will read.
is only a test. If this were the real NAME, and not a test, you would have been informed.
never makes stupid mistakes ..... only very clever ones .....
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
would like you to give him back that filet o' fish! Give me that fish!
Says touch your head. Touch your nose. NAME didn't say touch your nose.
is really tired of kidney stones
smells better than he tastes
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
has a clear conscience or was that a bad memory?
is modest and proud of it!
is boycotting shampoo and demanding real poo!
was reviewing your profile but couldn't turn the suck down!
is a vegetarian, not because he loves animals but because he hates plants!
wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
better than Ezra
typing feverishly on his Blackberry pretending to do work but really updating his Facebook status
the guy who stole the frigg'n cookie from the cookie jar. Now shutup!
pleased to meet you. Hope you guessed my name.
being recalled by Fisher Price because he may contain traces of led paint
stomping his feet because he's happy and he knows it.
going..... and going..... and going..... and going....
sdrawkcab gnipyT
inviting you to play with his touchscreen.
secretly hoping the video he and Paris made last night is released on TMZ
lost in translation
shaking it like a polaroid picture
shaken not stirred
brought to you by the letters W T F
raging against the machine!
taking his sugar with coffee and creme
currently out of his mind but please feel free to leave a message
the one that put a hole in the ozone layer
all that
drinking in a box, NAME is drinking with a Fox, NAME will drink green beer and Rum, NAME will drink them till he's numb...
the reason the chicken crossed the road
with your girlfriend.
filmed before a live stuido audience
trapped in the facebook status message textbox; send help!
not the droid you're looking for.
not your friend.
finding your lack of faith disturbing
sensing something; a presence he hasn't felt since...
better than you.
not for everyone. Clinical tests show that he may cause nausea, fatigue, and kidney or liver problems. Ask
your doctor if he is right for you
gonna kick your rear end from here to Tienanmen Square.
made of meat. Your whole family is made of meat
a lumberjack and he's okay. He drinks all night and works all day
the second comin

Angry Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T00:31:00.000-07:00

Angry and Upset Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John is...

hated it when old aunts used to come up to her at weddings, poke her in the ribs and cackle, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see them tumble down the stairs.
says "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar!"
thinks its OK to beat up an old lady, if its at Costco, or if she really had it coming.
may kill you in the morning.
reminds you that when we resort to violence, nobody wins. Wait, that's wrong. I win...always!!! Got that! ALWAYS!!!!
thinks it's impossible to look at a baby penguin and not get angry!
Shut-up!

Alcohol Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T00:10:00.000-07:00

Funny, Cool, and Witty Alcohol and Wine Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John is...

a sauvignon with a perfume of piña coladas, an overly sweet riesling and a chardonnay so oaky it tasted as if it had been aged in a box of No. 2 pencils.
a nonvintage tawny port that reminded me of long-abandoned Halloween candy, with hints of Skittles and off-brand caramels.
delightful, barrel-aged, full bodied, with distinct pineapple & honeysuckle aromas; good blend of wood & fruit with a hint of sweetness.
rich & fruity, underpinned by a generous amount of smoky oak; nice structured tannins penetrating ripe cherry nuances
elegant, yet approachable; peppery with a cherry aroma and hints of chocolate, rounded out by a great balance of oak & tannins
intense, a purple red color, cherries, plums, cedar, vanilla, well-structured & complex, rich with smooth tannins & deeply flavored
a luscious pure pleasure. Black cherry, and tobacco notes burst into textured fruit flavors followed by spicy black pepper and well-defined beautiful finish.
an inviting bowl of plump & juicy sweet berries with a splash of shiraz. Exciting, off-dry and enjoyed at room temperature or chilled on a warm summer day
very elegant, fresh style, combines a subtle oak spice with tobacco, dark chocolate and a hint of autumn dry-leaf aromas in the background.
Well-structured with a velvety smooth palate and firm mature tannin. Serve with roast duck breast.
has both intensity and concentration. A wild berry core is enhanced with hints of chocolate and mossy earthiness. A mid-weight wine, slightly tart and not too heavy

Advertising Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-12T00:06:00.000-07:00

Funny Advertising and Slogans Status Updates

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John...

tastes great... is less filling... tastes great...
melts in your mouth, not in your hands.
is good to the last drop.
is magically delicious.
contains calcium, something your body uses anyways.
is cuckoo for cocoa puffs.
is lovn'n it!
is asking... "Can you hear me now?"
sometimes feels like a nut... sometimes he don't.
takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
keeps going and going and going...
has been informed... he has bankers... ahhh!
tastes awful, but he works!
is kid tested, mother approved.
is strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
likes his coffee crisp!
is finger lick'n good!
is grrrrrrreat!
is an ancient Chinese secret
wants YOU!

Oscars Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

2009-10-11T23:57:00.000-07:00

Funny Academy Awards and Oscars Status Updates

Here's what we got so far (add yours as a comment) :

John...

is honoured to just be nominated.
would like to thank you, my fans. Without you none of this would have been possible.
is nominated as best supporting actor in a documentary of a documentary.
would like to thank Lynard Skynard for not releasing an album.
is nominated for best performance by an actor in the role of a robot, pirate or ninja
is nominated for best adaptation of a boring life
is nominated for best actor not playing a retard, drunk, or insane person
thinks Sarah Palin should win for best actor playing a retard, drunk or insane person.
would like to thank the academy
is nominated for best portrayal of status update.
should win best performance in pretending to understand the ending of No Country For Old Men

FunnyStatus is launched

2009-10-11T23:46:00.000-07:00

Why FunnyStatus?

Good question! Because there is a need for Funny Statuses on the web. More and more people are using Facebook and Twitter, and browse the internet in search of Funny Statuses.

So FunnyStatus.blogspot is here for you!

How to Add your Funny Status?

Easy! Just browse the categories on the right under which you would like your status to appear and add it as a comment!